Life has been very interesting lately.

Since I'm nearing 30 any day now, for posterity, I would like to make note of some things that I have learned so far. These are in random order, as they pop into my head, and are exceedingly dumb.

1. If you joke about doing something for too long in IRC, eventually, no matter how ridiculous it may seem, it will become reality.


2. Even if you have nothing left to lose, you still have something to give


3. It is better to laugh wryly at yourself, than to wallow in self-pity.


4. If you truly live a life of no regrets, eventually you'll lose your soul.


5. Listen to your fortune cookie: All thing has a cause, look into your pass for answers.


6. Life is what happens when you're doing something out of the ordinary.


7. Art is always better when it is for someone else.


8. Prayer never stops being important.


9. To err is human, to moo is bovine.


10. It is always darkest before it goes pitch black.


11. If work is annoying, burn down the office.


12. Music is vital.


13. A few close friends and family are worth more than any other distraction.


14. Being devious is more satisfying than being smart.


15. All you need is love.


16. That last one isn't entirely true.


17. Traveling is not optional.


18. If you're going to be crazy, you may as well revel in it.


19. Help other people, no one else will.


20. Fish are actually plants.

Originally published at Don\'t talk to me about life....

I just ate two grapefruits, and two oranges. Then I drank about a pint of yogurt. Now it's time for a couple squirts of nasal spray, and an assload of Echinacea. After that I might just sacrifice a virgin, and then round things off by taking a Tylenol 3, in hopes that it will help calm my head and let me sleep! The down side to taking the Tylenol 3 is that it's one less Tylenol 3 I'll have in my possession...

I SWEAR I'M NOT ADDICTED.

I just like to know that they are there if I need them. Really.

What time is it?

You guessed it! It's random sinus problem time with Leah! This is the show you've all been waiting for. In this episode, Leah whines about how terrible it is to be her because she is all sick:

On Saturday, after various talks with various people (some of which left me with a general feeling of being a massive asshole), as I was passing out, my entire head suddenly went from completely normal to something resembling a Cival War battlefield, in a matter of minutes. I have no idea if I was exposed to Bacterial Meningitis (I guess not, I'd probably be all dead by now), some kind of strange mold from outer space (I think this is the most likely answer), some wacky chemical (anything is possible in the Annex on a Saturday), or what. The symptoms descended upon me so randomly: it was a bit weird.

And I'm not just talking about a sudden runny nose here. I'm talking about blood and gore and my freaking brain oozing out of my...

Right, 2009 is not the year to start going into the details of what goes on in my nose and other random medical issues. That was 2006. Let's just say that it has been rough. I'm doing my absolute best to treat myself, because I'm off to DC this weekend. I really, really, really do not want to find myself all sick at that point.

Due to being all loopy and ill, I haven't gotten as much done this week as I was hoping for. I did at least manage to finish sorting out some laundry, deal with L'robot, and sweep up a little bit. My apartment is absolutely trashed though. Also, my eating habits have gotten downright bizarre. For lunch I ate a bunch of goldfish crackers, and half a jar of peanuts.

As to the rest, I'm still recovering from HAR. I have this very unsettled feeling like I'm on the brink of, well, something with a brink. This probably means that I need a Ruth. I suppose I'm just going to have to tempt her to come visit by not so subtle bribes involving transparent black thingies.

Speaking of which, Ruth pointed out the existence of: http://hipstergirlsinmustaches.blogspot.com

One thinks one is being all silly, clever, and different. But noooo! The Internet goes and destroys one's illusions of individuality, yet again. Screw you Internet! http://unholymenace.com/thumbnails.php?album=133 I guess we're just going to have to get teenage mutant ninja turtle costumes. I don't think anyone's doing that? If they are, don't tell me.

Originally published at Don\'t talk to me about life....

Disclaimer: I was feeing extremely moody when I wrote this:

Life is beautiful. Life is pain and sorrow. Life is hope. Life is music, and life is light. Life is fears, dreams, plans and adventures. Life is ambition, and life is failure. Life is love and life is raw and life is learning. Life is healing and life destroys the soul. Life is seeing, life is believing, and life is nothing at all. If one types the word life enough times, it starts to look really strange.

OK, I'm going to stop being all ridiculous and get on with the writing.

I hardly know where to start. I don't think that it is even possible for me to write about the insanity that was this week without taking another week to do so. This week was breathtaking, and it was terrible all at the same time. The words terrific and terrible - not so far separated as one might think.

At the end of it all, I'm left feeling a bit breathless, unsure what will happen next, and sad. I have surprised myself in a number of ways over the week. I feel as though I lived a month in that last week.

HoaP and HAR was absolutely fantastic. I am so happy that I did end up going to HAR. The camp was absolutely fantastic. I could have wandered for hours in that crazy light-filled camp in the Netherlands, and the entire trip would have been worth it - just for that. I met, and saw again so many fantastic people.

HAR was a giant hacker camp that assembled in the Netherlands. You could fabricate just about anything there. A GSM and DECT phone network was fully operational. You could sit around all day and learn to pick locks, you could drink Mate or beer and socialize for hours, or you could go to any number of talks.

I can't describe the entire trip. Too much happened to describe the entire trip. But here is a really crappy time-line of things from my perspective, for posterity.

( Crappy Timeline )

I am still heartbroken about the loss of O'Cow, and very unsure about the rest. I had so many fantastic experiences and spent time with many awesome people. I was really happy to be back in Europe again, and I am now inspired in many different directions. Also, there was more than the usual amount of adventure. So was it an awesome trip?

Absolutely.

There's my poorly written, crappy summary of the last week or so. The end.

Originally published at Don\'t talk to me about life....

I think I'm way too exhausted to start writing about the insanity that was this week, so instead I offer you the following list of things that I realized in the last couple days that I missed about Germany:

Disclaimer: most of these are broad generalizations. Also, I wrote this in a sleep deprived state on the bus, and then failed to hit the publish button.

1. The windows. I like the way they open in various manners. I enjoy closing them as well. I like the way that they always look nice. (Also, I hate the windows in Canada for the opposite of all of these reasons.)
2. Breakfast. Cheese, yogurt, meat, bread, eggs, fruit. HOW CAN YOU POSSIBLY GO WRONG?
3. Coffee machines. Push button, receive delicious coffee.
4. Sense of humor. Nothing beats a German sense of humor.
5. Driving in Germany. Craving excitement? A short drive in Germany will do!
6. Beer. Nuf said.
7. The trains. They arrive on time! They are sleek, yes! And shiny!
8. German beverages. Such tasty snack drinks.
9. Tobacco. Or rather, the blends of tobacco sold to the German market.
10. The general lack of extreme prudishness. Who cares if you need to change your pants on the train anyway?
11. The straight forward attitude. There's very little passive aggression going on there, and I like it.
12. Modern technology, even for banking!
13. Language. I chuckle every time I hear the word flugzeug.
14. Roofs. You laugh, but Germany has some of the finest roofs of anywhere I've ever been.
15. Music. Well, you knew that anyway.
16. Bathrooms. Usually tiled, generous bathtubs, and exciting shower technology!
17. Beds. Fluffy!

Originally published at Don\'t talk to me about life....

Well, at least this week hasn't been boring. It seems as though nothing much happens for weeks on end, and then all these separate, slowly building things take off in a series of multi-colored explosions accompanied by the random tempo of drunken jazz.

So far, it's all mostly manageable. Oddly, I seem to have hit that sweet point in the stress scale where I have constant craziness going on, but it's still manageable, and therefore interesting, and therefore, it's hard to be depressed anymore (I don't have the time for that) and things haven't yet started to feel as though they are spinning completely out of control, so no massive burnout (yet?)

On the personal front, it is hard to even know what to say there. The week has been intense in a variety of ways, and I'm not sure all of them I feel comfortable writing about. I can say this, on Sunday H and I broke up. I am sad that it had to be now, because he is dealing with a lot of bullshit right now. I am sad that things didn't work out better. I still have no idea how I would have survived the winter had it not been for the companionship of H. It was good to know that I'm not completely doomed to forever shut out the possibility any sort of intimate relationship. Even if it didn't work out entirely right, it was good to be able to see that any sort of relationship was possible. And, I think I've got a good friend out of the deal. I just hope that I haven't somehow made things worse.

On top of that, there has been a lot of intenseness with a number of other people throughout the week. Jo's finally managed to wrangle the divorce papers from me (inexplicable sadness), My truck-driving sister, Joy, randomly popped into town twice (crazy random fun). On the latter, I expect to have more to say about that eventually, but that is beyond the scope of what I can write about now. All I can say for sure is that it has been an roller-coaster week in terms of people stuff, on the whole.

The weekend was sailing insanity, so I've been spending an assload of time on a boat, attempting not to get run over by ferries and generally improving my pirate-talking skills. I'm taking this cruising course, and it has munched up a lot of my time lately. It is really nice to get out on a boat. It's peaceful and pleasing in a good way. Kind of reminds me of hiking a bit. It's not crazy intense, but it's very satisfying to just blow around with the wind, and to see the city from the water.

In the midst of all of this, Joy randomly kept showing up in Toronto, as she's got school buses to deliver from NC (where two of my sisters live) to Toronto. How she gets these sweet gigs that let her visit us all so conveniently, I'll never know. I can only say that even though the time we got to spend together was brief, it was amazingly good to see her. We had a wild night on Sunday. After I was done w/sailing, I met Joy, Jo and Christina for food. Later Joy and I ended up taking a lot of muscle relaxants and "natural" sleep aid type thingies, then loopily hanging out at Shoppers, sniffing every brand of laundry detergent there, attempting to decide which of the cheaper detergents was least offensive to the nose. People were giving us odd looks, so we stumbled off again, and grabbed a bunch of falafel balls down the street. So we sat around eating balls, discussing many girly thingies, and then when I was about to pass out entirely, Joy gave me a fantastic back massage.

During the massage, she got all wiggy about a lump in my back. I was pretty sure it had always been there and was probably just a small cyst, but it had gotten bigger.

Because for some reason I always let my family's random health rantings get the better of me (the last time it resulted in me putting peroxide in my ears - thanks mom), all this led to a surprise surgery mid week. I decided to go to a Dr. and just have it checked out. By random chance, the referral Dr. was on site and had some time, and before I knew it, I had the vile, aforementioned lump cut out of my back - and was on my way back to work.

Also this week, my giant hex keys showed up. I was super thrilled. I think this says something about my unseemly love for the Fiat. I had lost the large 12mm key I needed for the oil pan, so I was unable to change my oil in PA last week, but rather wanted to have it done before driving to Buffalo Friday to go to Boston via plane. (Yeah, the week just keeps getting crazier and crazier.) Alas, as I was hanging off the side of the car, one foot on the key under the car, and putting my entire body into attempting to turn the plug out (fortunately, no one wandered by in that moment, because I probably looked thoroughly ridiculous), it occurred to me that I was doomed. I think the soft aluminum plug is permanently part of the oil pan, for better or for worse.

Of course, this meant spending even more money to purchase a fluid vacuum dodad to suck the oil out of the car via the dipstick tube. I'm hoping it'll show up before Friday, but the chance of that is truly minimal, so probably I am doomed. At least I will, eventually, be able to change the oil (I hope). It amazes me that such a simple task has gotten so out of hand.

Tonight I got in a shiny new air filter for the Fiat too. It should be good for performance, but I'm more excited about the fact that I can now easily get at the engine, because it frees up a ton of space compared to the old setup with the clunky air intake. I installed that tonight, and then, covered in grease, got a burrito to celebrate. I think the burrito slingers thought I was homeless - they went waaaaaaaaay overboard on the burrito.

Tomorrow is the big practical, on the water, sailing test. I wish I was feeling more prepared for that. Tomorrow I also have to decide whether to join the yatch club, or just keep making fun of Jo for it. Then I just have to get ready for a weekend of mayhem in Boston.

That is all. Really a pretty boring week otherwise.

Originally published at Don\'t talk to me about life....

Right now, my stomach hurts a lot, so it has been a bit of the day from hell in that way. I tried to sleep for a while, but I just had strange dreams where I was playing jazz on a Piano. It sounded really good, even though I was sure I was playing the wrong notes entirely, so that was confusing. I don't usually write like this, but I just don't care. I'm back in the software industry, and I am pretty sure that I don't like my job. Pumpkin peed on my book last night, out of spite. I just ripped a hole in my bra by mistake. The weather is still cold, and O'Cow is staring at me with the sort of beady-eyed intensely that only a stuffed, alcoholic cow can. My nose ring is causing massive problems. The gas company, also, finally remembered that I owe them lots of money - so that experiment failed. My sister sent me a message and I miss her.

I cry a too much lately.

I don't feel much about pigeons one way or the the other.

Don't worry, I still smile.

But.

I need to work on doing it more, and so do you.

Like this, but with a somewhat more crazed expression!

:) :) :) :) :)

Originally published at Don\'t talk to me about life....

Tonight as I was roving the streets, as I tend to do, something didn't seem quite right. I just couldn't put my finger on it. I paused by a rubbish bin, outstretched my hand, and poked suspiciously at a layer of fake cotton snow. It was then that I put my finger on it.

There was fake snow everywhere. Apparently it's not enough that it's winter most of the year here. Even when it isn't, we feel the need to pretend like it is.

As I progressed further down the street, I made note of the cranes, cables, trucks, seedy looking men pushing carts of AV equipment, and a snow machine. Even further down the street, the fake snow turned into real fake snow. If you know what I mean.

I sometimes wonder if my entire life is destined to be lived in the midst of some movie production that I am not part of. It's as difficult to avoid the bagpipers in Toronto as it is to avoid stumbling upon a movie set. I thought Bloor street was relatively safe, but I was wrong, so very wrong.

And really, the snow, even knowing that it was fake, was kind of depressing.

I passed a truck that said, "City Concrete - Your concrete solution". It made me wonder what my concrete problem might be.

I have to go to bed soon, but I figured it might not be so bad to write something first. I haven't written in a long time. A lot is going on, but none of it is specifically thrilling. Here are some thoughts:

I really love my apartment. It is cozy, and cute, and an oasis of calm in the midst of a life that is full of confusion and worry.

I am into the third week of training at the new job. The amount of crap that I will and already am having to parse and deal with is already really stressing me out a fair bit. I wish I could be excited about it, but I'm not. I'm taking out this stress on my personal life in wacky ways that I wish I wasn't. On the positive side, I am looking forward to resolving some of my financial woes of late, and I work with some cool people. I just wish I could feel more confident about how this will all play out.

Additionally, I have finally finished putting together my application for Canadian Citizenship. I'll be mailing that all off tomorrow, and I'm pretty excited to be finally send that out. On the down side of things, it turns out the processing time for this sort of thing is a lot longer than I expected it to be. We're talking another 12 to 15 months of waiting, at least. It seems as though one must literally be in Canada for ten billion years before one may qualify for citizenship. Also, once this is in I have to notify the CIC of all status changes (the divorce will be oodles of fun, I'm sure) including if I need to leave the country for more than two consecutive weeks at a time. That's pretty lame. Boo, I say!

With all the stress of the new job, all the fun I was having starting to learn about electronics and math stuff is going rapidly out the window, as I am in no mood whatsoever to sit around on the computer after a long day of sitting around in front of the computer any more. I'm kind of sad and hoping I don't abandon it all-together, because it seems like something worth learning, but I just can't seem to handle it mentally right now. All I want to do right now when I come home is sit around and drool. Or hang out with people, or the boy. Sadly, everyone is busy. It sucks having friends with ambition.

I DEMAND SLACKER FRIENDS!

I would really like to get outside and do some hiking, sailing, or some silly sport involving the bapping of balls over nets. Alas, everyone is really too busy, and that is sad. These things are a lot more fun to do with friends. I've tried playing volleyball/pingpong/tennis/badminton by myself, and it always ends in tears.

Also, I miss my family. They are awesome, and I miss them. Something must be done about all of this. For now, I will just have to suffice with my furry friends.

Speaking of furry friends: project "Get Pumpkin to Use the Robot" is going better than I thought it might be. This previously mentioned fact is probably only exciting to me.

Originally published at Don\'t talk to me about life....

I have returned from my fun-filled Midwestern romp, and I am happy to be back in Toronto in a lot of ways, but I'm also feeling a sense of loss and loneliness that is only somewhat non-justifiable.

I had a great time in Erie hanging out with my very dear friends, but I feel as though somehow that visit was missing something, or not everything that should have been said was. Maybe I'm just PMSing, or letting annoyance/concern over a number of unrelated things overflow into my feelings about the trip right now. All I can say was that I have some of the best friends in the world, I miss them already, and I hope that they enjoyed seeing me as much as I enjoyed seeing them. I was a bit useless for most of the visit, but I think that was somewhat to be expected after the ridiculous boozefest in Cleveland.

There is some good news:

My doomsday device is now working. I would show you all a picture, but my life is pain and I have no functional camera worth mentioning. I didn't fry the LED driver chip like I was all worried that I had. I managed to put most of the circuit myself in Erie, and with one minor change and H's test code (cheating kind of, but hey) I have a crazy blinky light of doom :) The hap-hazard documentation that I made while trying to figure it all out is at http://heinous.org/wiki/Playing_with_an_8x8_Matrix_LED

It is fantastic to see H again. He makes me so happy. He took very good care of the cats for me while I was gone, and it is so nice to have someone who does such nice things for me. I'm pretty lucky on that front. Yep.

After a horrific nightmare, I have managed to confirm that Jo did not, indeed, have his life be ruined in some awful way. I sometimes let dreams concern me more than I should. Also, the fact that someone who looked suspiciously like the movie version of Lucius Malfoy was hanging out with Jo should have been a clue not to take the dream too seriously.

I found an awesome intro to electronics book at Radio Shack in Erie. Also, Mr. Evans is letting me borrow his fantastic book on engineering diagrams. I'm not sure how long this - try my hand at learning how to think like an engineer - phase is going to last, but it's good to be learning something, even if I'm pretty sure I'm not all that well suited to it.

Right now I'm sitting around with the cats trying to not be all gloomy. The video drivers on my laptop are breaking everything and I don't know how to fix it, which is one major source of annoyance. 96% of my CPU seems to belong to Xorg right now, and I am growing increasingly despondent, and quickly losing the will to live. I think it's the ATI driver being horrible, but I can't seem to get X to work at all without the driver. The original configuration that worked on install, just kills the entire display now, and I have to reboot to get video back. The same thing happens when I try just about anything else. Oh yeah, did I mention that this post would involve a thrilling rant about my laptop woes? I almost never do this, but I'm so annoyed, and so not in the mood to keep debugging this one. I just have to keep telling myself that, "All things has a cause, " and hope that my pass can provide me with some answers.

I can't believe that I'm starting a new job on Monday. I really hope things work out well. It seems like so many of the people I know who are working at this place are so frustrated with it, and I hope I haven't gotten myself into something ugly. Everyone assures me the department I am going into is fine and not filled with the same sorts of problems, but I'm not holding my breath.

I still wish I didn't have to do this.

Fortunately, I have Black Bush whiskey and two cats to console me tonight, if nothing else.

Originally published at Don\'t talk to me about life....

"All thing has a cause. Look into your pass for answer..."

Ah, the wisdom of the fortune cookie. Who can argue with this kind of logic?

So I'm somewhat de-conned and feeling slightly less annoyed at myself today, and a great deal less muddled due to copious amounts of sleep and some quality time spent on Erie' transit, which has made me realize how fantastic Toronto is! Ah angst, I seem to have so much of it lately. I don't know exactly how to fix that without moving to South America, however, so I suppose I will just muddle on.

Due to truck having electrical problems of doom, Micaela and I spent most of the day navigating Erie transit sloppily toward the mall. It's only a two hour bus ride both ways, so why not go say hi to Ruth on her lunch break? Wild times were had at Ruby Tuesday's, where I discovered something frightening...

Bottomless french fries.

Oh America. Land of the free, home of ridiculous food portions. Large is not enough, apparently we've moved onward to INFINITE french fry portions. The mind boggles. I'm pretty impressed though. As long as you have $8 and a way to get to the mall, you will never starve. There has to be a catch.

When we got home, exhausted from all that eating and sitting around on busses, I took a nap.

So there is a problem where I talk in my sleep sometimes. Micaela informed me that during my sleep this afternoon, I clearly said, "Oh em Gee." Sadly, I think I remember the point in the dream at which I said this (we were about to have a horrific car accident due to an illogical decision to switch drivers while driving down the freeway), and suspect she's probably right.

I have to go shoot myself now.

Originally published at Don\'t talk to me about life....

It's Monday. Monday is not really avoidable.

I'm feeling kind of annoyed in general about a lot of things, and am kind of worried that I've now pissed off / made of fool out of myself in a number of ways in the last several days, and there is some part of me that really wants to just go hide out in a cavern (or maybe a canyon) until everyone has forgotten what an idiot I am (and the mine is thoroughly excavated). I've been feeling more and more like that lately.

I just spent the last several days at notacon in the fantastic city of Cleveland http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ysmLA5TqbIY . I saw both of the buildings. I bought some food on the street. I was in close contact with the train tracks for the train that carries jobs out of Cleveland. (It really isn't a midwestern trip without trespassing on Amtrak property.)

Now I'm in Erie, PA visiting my dearest friends in the world.

Yeah. My first time out of Toronto since last summer, and well, I don't have much to say about the thrilling destinations. But the people are fantastic!

Anyway, now that you have a vague idea of what is going on, let me proceed.

Things I'm annoyed about in specific:

1. I made a giant fool out of myself at notacon in the "Who's slide is it anyways?" competition, by kind of flashing the audience. I still don't know what I was thinking, but I'm pretty sure I just looked like a complete moron by the end of all of that. Yay being that annoying clueless girl who shows up for the first time at a con and ends up acting like a total whore. I have this bad habit of acting stupid when I'm around lots of people I don't know. *sigh*

2. I unintentionally caused the hacklab sign to break, and now feel really bad about all of that, and am stressing out about the whole thing instead of enjoying being a useless bum in Erie.

2.5. I attempted to make lunch today for Micaela and myself. Somehow, all I managed to create was something that tasted disturbingly like 24 hour truck stop food. It was pretty awful.

3. I dropped my phone today, the gorilla glue is no longer holding up. I really need to replace the thing, but I'm so fucking broke it is not funny, and the whole sign thing is certainly not going to help with that.

4. The pickup truck stopped working, just as we were heading out toward the gun-shaped mall to retrieve Ruth. Yes, Erie has a mall shaped like a gun: http://tinyurl.com/millcreekmall

5. Also, I feel like I've been run over by a truck and am worried that I've annoyed the crap out of my boyfriend and a variety of other people due to a chain of dumb reactions to various dumb situational things, and I really don't know what to do about any of it that won't make it all worse.

Anyway, Ruth has arrived home on the bus of doom, I'm going to go be social, so I don't have to feel guilty about sitting here in the kitchen ignoring everyone too because my laptop and the wifi seem to be at odds with each other. At least the world hasn't run out of coffee or nicotine.

Originally published at Don\'t talk to me about life.... » Click here « to leave any comments.

Dear Toronto Burrito Establishments,

First off, I would like to say thank you for providing your misguided versions of tasty burritos to the people of Toronto. When I first moved here, it was very sad. There were no burritos. Not even Burrito Boyz existed. Those were dark times. We wore shrouds around, and tore at our hair. I sent letters to friends in San Francisco begging them to mail me burritos packaged in dry ice.

Suddenly, after the advent of Burrito Boyz, it occurred to people that there there was, indeed, a market for burritos in Toronto. Not only was there a market, but it's a super simple business to get started and run; and indeed, mediocre burrito places started popping up willy nilly.

As of three weeks ago, there is even a burrito place less than a block away from my apartment, and I now feel as though I live in a real city.

So yeah, thanks for that.

Here's the problem. The burritos are crap. YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG. I could make a better burrito by pooping on a tortilla.

Ok, maybe it's not actually that bad. I mean, they taste alright, they're just kind of boring. Also, I have to wait entirely too long for my burrito from the point of order to the point of having delicious burrito in my hand. Making a burrito should not take much longer than making a hot dog, ok?

Let's start by defining the ideal burrito. A burrito should consist primarily of rice, beans, delicious meat (or grilled and marinated veggies/tofu/whathaveyou), and salsa or pico de gallo. A fancier burrito could additionally contain cheese, sour cream, and copious quantities of guacamole. The burrito should be then heated up, preferably with steam to produce a nice chewy exterior tortilla wrapping.

So here's a number of flaws I have found at many/most of Toronto's burrrito establishments:

1. Random boring vegetables added by default:

Lettuce? WTF are you thinking? Why would I want wilted, tasteless, leafy stuff in my burrito? Other offenders I am horrified by include green peppers, bland tomatoes that are not part of salsa, and bland jalapenos. But I think lettuce offends me the most.

2. The meat should be, by my above definition, tasty. But what do you usually get? Funny you should ask. Boring, barely flavored meats that are overly salty. Anyone ever heard of marinating grilled meat in lime, pepper, and oil? I guess not. Fail fail fail fail! What about spicy chicken? Where's the spicy chicken? And what of pork and or chorizo?. You almost never see it, and when you do, it's rarely all that tasty.

3. The rice should also be, tasty. It should have spices added to it. Maybe a bit of cilantro and tumeric? Is that really asking too much?

4. Salsa/pico de gallo should not taste like a mixture of tomatoes and onions. Again, I ask you, where's my fucking cilantro? What have you people got against cilantro? And lime? Even a mild salsa tastes pretty good when you add cilantro, lime, some garlic, and onions. And let's not even get into how hard it is to convince any burrito place to add enough salsa to balance out the other flavors in the burrito, or the fact that getting a good spicy salsa is about as easy as getting cheap gin at the LCBO.

While I'm on the topic of salsa, where in the blazing hell is my salsa bar? Why do hardly any of you have salsa bars? And my complimentary tortilla chips? BURRITOS SHOULD COME WITH COMPLIMENTARY TORTILLA CHIPS. It is like the law or something.

5. The people demand bean variety! Most places here seem to only go with a refried bean sludge that is, relatively tasteless and bland. Where are my black beans? What about non-smooshed pinto beans? I demand evidence that you did not actually poop into an insert, and smear it on my tortilla.

6. What is with this crispy grilled tortilla business? I did not order a rolled up nacho platter! Ok, it is not the greatest offender, but there are two problems with the grilled burrito approach:

a. It takes a long time. When I go to get a burrito, I want a very fast, delicious, balanced meal provided to me in about as much time as it takes me to get a hot dog. You can't do that with the grilled style.
b. The burrito does not properly congeal with this approach. It doesn't always get warm to the center.

If you must go the grilling route, it tastes a lot better if you grill the burrito in some kind of fat (lard, butter, and then vegetable oil - in order of tastiness). But really, grilling the tortilla makes it much more like a taco. This is confusing, causing me to become despondent and then to lose the will to live.

Now in case some of you are wondering what the alternative method would is; (Oh god, how sad that you would be!) I shall inform you now. Steam the burrito! Steam it and you get a delicious chewy moist burrito package that is wonderful in every way! Steam! Steam! Glorious steam! Do it. And, it's faster.

7. Ok, we're getting into the non-base elements here, but you manage to even screw up basic things like cheese, guacamole, and sour cream. Although these elements are harder to screw up, it seems that the guacamole is rarely that tasty, and even if it is, when added, there is never enough for me to feel like I actually got any. The same proportion issues occur when sour cream is added. We're talking about proportion here. The elements of a delicious burrito have a fine balance. A burrito should not have too much rice and beans, or even meat, and lose the taste of the other elements. A little sprinkle of cheese? A tiny squirt of sour cream or guacamole? I sob for the future generation. Isn't it sad enough that we took away their dangerous teeter totters and merry-go-rounds?

There is probably more I could say, but I think that this list accurately summarizes my major complaints.

Thank you for your attention. Stop making boring burritos. Also, some agua fresca would be delightful.

Your patient, but frustrated consumer.
Leah

In other news, today was my last day of work at the red stick. It was delightful. I got my revenge for the fruit scoop fiasco, and feel pretty good about that. I'll have to explain some other time.

Tomorrow I leave for Ohio, and then, most likely, Pennsylvania for some random amount of time, returning before starting my new job. (Yes, I am a masochistic vacationer.)

Also, I have been experimenting with cat pheromones, and there is an Irish fiddler outside my window.

Originally published at Don\'t talk to me about life....

They're like pussy-cats. Just more annoying. Three just went by my window in the snow. I don't really know what to make of anyone who has more than one Pomeranian - let alone three. I guess that'll just have to be a lesson to them.

The last couple days I've been feeling like crap, but only mildly so. Thusly, I've been rather frustrated with myself as I'm not feeling terribly productive, I keep wanting to do nothing but take extended naps, even though I'm not that tired, and so forth. My current theory is that it probably has to do with the bi-polar weather we've been having, combined with a lot of processing of changes that may soon be coming, and ongoing current financial stress. But that's just my theory.

I guess the major thing that should be announced to the world in general is the fact that I have decided to store all of my worldly possessions somewhere in Indiana, build a life raft out of old water bottles, and float around in the lake until I reach some small town or community of houseboats, and then proceed to live there as a bum for the rest of the summer, should it ever arrive.

So that's not exactly true, even if it is close.

The real news is that I have sold out, officially.

I have a new job that I will be starting toward the end of this month at the place that nearly everyone I know who does computer stuff in Toronto already works for. Goodbye lame, barely enough to survive service bar income - hello somewhat more reasonable income producing desk job in a field that I completely burnt out on and don't know if I'll every really be that interested in again. (That sentence was intentionally run-on, so that if read aloud, you feel breathless by the end of it.)

I think this is a good move in a positive direction for me. I really need more stable work in my life, and the economy is killing the service industry here pretty effectively. This will solve a great deal of issues that I have had. For one thing, I'll be able to afford luxury items, such as food, underwear, my tax bill, and soap again. For another thing, the job has many advantages over my last several technical jobs, which I don't really feel like listing here, but which will hopefully cause me to not want to pull my hair out and join a nunnery every three hours. Balding nuns are no fun at parties either.

So this is a practical thing to do. It allows me to stay in Toronto, maybe still do some short-term traveling, and perhaps even save up a bit for my next big crazy scheme.

I will say, it's a little difficult to get super excited about it all at this time, which I find somewhat sad. The practical thing to do is rarely easy to get excited over. It kind of reminds me of the time I was trying to get all excited about moving to North Carolina and working for IBM (that didn't go really well either). Big life changes that aren't that exciting are kind of disappointing to me, and I'm having a hard time mentally getting around that. In fact, one might say, I'm feeling a little bit disappointed in myself, while at the same time being proud of myself for getting the job. It's confusing, to say the least. The disappointed in myself bit just comes from the fact that it seems like my attempt to do something wildly different with my life has kind of failed, and it seems like I've come full circle. I suppose I've learned a lot in the process, and I've got plenty of living in me yet, so I shouldn't beat myself up too much. But saying that, and really believing it are kind of two different things (Like thinking a Pomeranian is cute vs. enjoying barbecued Pomeranian).

I guess in the end, I really don't know if I'm ready to go back to doing this kind of work, but I'm hoping for the best. Who knows, I might even enjoy it. But it's all just wild speculation at this point.

I can say I'm going to miss working on my feet, working with people who seem, in some ways, more "real" to me, and the minimal job-related stress. I'll have to start thinking about what I eat, forcing myself to exercise, buying insane ergonomic keyboards, contemplating PDAs, getting up earlier in the morning (*sob*) and various other annoying things that you have to do when you work a desk job. Ug.

I start on the 27th. I've already given notice to my current job, and am hoping if there is any way in hell that I can afford it, that I can go off for a few days between the end of work at the Red Stick and the start of work at A Non-scary Competitor.

I am now going to return to my wild plans of the day. Next up, mending! Woo. One of these days I'll be able to afford new socks...

Originally published at Don\'t talk to me about life....

Right now, I'm trying to figure out how in the hell people can manage to maintain a social life, a few interesting hobbies, work stuff, and not go completely insane and never have any time to just chill out. I feel like I am constantly stressing out about keeping in contact with people, getting out and seeing people, etc. And it is all so overwhelming. There are lots of people I wish I could get to know better, be better friends with, etc. But it can't be right to be actively frustrated that your social life is competing with your sleep / hobby / work schedule?

I guess what I mean to say is that I want to hang out with people, develop better relationships, and show that I care. But I struggle with how to pay attention to all my friends without it feeling like a burden. Hanging out with people should be fun and something you want to do right? Not something you stress out about not doing enough of?

I seem to do best with a few close friends, and keeping everyone else at arms length. Sadly, the way social stuff has evolved for me over time, I find that there are more and more awesome people who have come into my life that I want to be better friends with / keep in touch with. But I don't actually cope well with maintaining relationships with tons of people. It stresses me out so much. But I don't want to let go of, or ignore anyone in my life who I think is cool.

So in the end, I guess if I could post a message to all of the amazing people in my life that I feel as though I do so little for, it would be this:

I love you all. I am sorry I am not the best at always being around or paying attention to you, but please know that you are appreciated, and I will get to you some month. Please take a number. Now serving 432.

Oh, and I sure as hell am not caught up on LJ.

In other news, I have picked up another hobby, which is playing with this device called an Arduino. It's a microcontroller that is easily programmable to do various nifty things with digital and analog inputs and outputs. It's pretty neat stuff, and since I know next to nothing about electronics, I am hoping this will be a good way to learn something: maybe not much, but something. Now, if only I could find time to play with it and still maintain my social life, my real life, and my sanity...

Like I need another hobby that I don't have time or money for... But seriously, I hope that I do manage to stick with it and learn some stuff. I feel like such an idiot compared to so many people I know who do this kind of thing, but it's better to be a dangerous idiot, than not.

I am pretty sure things went bugger up with an interview I about two weeks back. It is too bad, because my job is really draining me in many ways, and I am so tired of trying to figure out what is the next step in improving the situation. It's like I work for a vampire. But not the sexy kind who ties you up while playing classical music on one of the world's finest record players. The other kind.

Tonight I am trying to work up the energy to call a bunch of people that I feel bad about not having talked to in a while, in addition to trying to make plans. Making plans would be a lot more fun if I wasn't always so worried about the financial cost of such plans. This being broke all the time thing is not as fun as it is cracked up to be. It's been so long since it's been this bad for me, I'm really starting to remember why I got all excited about making money the first time around again. I just see things from both sides now. It's so hard to strike that balance between "work consumes life but have lots of money" to "work has little to do with life but have no money to have life".

Er, right, I was making new efforts to be cheerful.

I had a fantastic day on Sunday, with lots of looking at hardware, which ended up in a drive with H to Home Depot in the hotwired Fiat. I am constantly amazed that people put up with me and my addiction to ancient cars that I don't really even know enough about to justify the fact that I drive them.

H is awesome, by the way, and seems to put up with lots of crap from me. Well, I guess just about everyone in my life does, but those closest to me get an extra steamy pile sometimes. But seriously, he helps keep my head level, and is a good friend. Also, he inspires me to do completely random things that I would have never thought myself inclined to do, so that's kind of awesome.

Stuff in personal life is intense in other ways too. I guess it all sums up to: it is still hard dealing with what seems to be the end of a marriage. It wears on the soul. It wears on the heart. Nothing is ever simple.

Finally, I seem to be having more and more BLATANT ABSENTMINDED FAUX PAS. I'm not sure what is going wrong with my brain, but I dearly hope I am not turning into my father. Here are two of the more humorous ones.

--

My co-worker, A, says something along the lines of, "I don't know if that spouts going to stay on." (We are discussing the cap on a bottle of Absolut, which has a different sized mouth than most liquor bottles. I have been trying various sizes of spouts (misappropriated from our less-used bottles) on the bottle in question - as suddenly we are using the flavored vodkas _a lot_ with our (SURPRISE!) new drink menu (No one tells me anything.)

I say, "I think this one will work fine. Let's see!", and shake the bottle upside down, squirting vodka all over the place.

I still don't know what I was thinking.

At least the spout stayed on, or I would have wasted a lot more vodka.

--

The other night, I am at H's house, where I plan to continue putting the finishing touches on the software upgrade for my laptop (which has been annoying to have to do, but it had to be done). I brought over all kinds of stuff to work on this. I get all set up, plug in the laptop power and network, and start working.

A bit later, I decide I should probably plug in the laptop power. I look in my bag for the power adapter, but it is not there. I become very angry at myself for forgetting it. I contemplate running home to get it. I am all annoyed. I decide to keep working and see how fast the laptop looses power before making a final decision, as I don't recall what it's battery life is like as I almost never run it long on the battery.

Nearly half an hour later, the laptop is still reading 100% power. I figure something must be wrong with the new OS and it's power management stuff, which further annoys me. In fact, after checking the power status even has the audacity to say that AC power is connected! Then, I check the laptop. AC power, uh, is connected. It had been plugged in the whole time, explaining why I couldn't find my power adapter in my bag. It was attached to my laptop.

Ok, so I thought it was funny. Good thing I didn't go home and look for it. Boy would I have been angry.

Problem 1: I've been ranting a lot lately, both online, and just in general to anyone who I don't think is going to throttle me soon, about how grumpy I am with my situation of late, lack of direction, thrilling career or projects, knowledge, etc.

Problem 2: I am in a very real situation where I need to find some way to improve my income, or drastically change my lifestyle fast so that I don't head down a self-destructive water slide of doom!

Problem 3: Lately I've been letting things that should be relatively trivial in the grand scale of things really stress me out and upset me.

Result 1: I haven't been very fun to be around. Even I am not enjoying hanging out with me all that much. All I do is whine about work, work options, etc.

Result 2: I have to find a solution to the financial situation as soon as possible. It will probably not be cool enough / exciting enough for me to be super thrilled with it. I'm going to just have to deal with that somehow. (Sometimes I wish I could just smack some sense into me.)

I am thinking lately, that part of my problem is that I'm too bleeding ambitious combined with the fact that I am too inclined to be only happy in extreme situations. Mediocrity for pussies, and all of that.

Even worse, I have the sneaking suspicion that I'm simply not good enough to actually be anything but, in my own eyes, mediocre.

I feel that I can't be happy just doing something that I know how to do, but am not that interested in, or feel is inferior in some way / not hardcore enough. I also have what may be an unrealistic expectation that I can be some kind of superstar, doing something really neat and cool and difficult that everyone will admire and love me for.

So I have to conclude, that being too ambitious is evil. It makes you want to be all edgy and causes you to never be happy with just doing what you know you can do pretty easily. At the same time, the idea of trying to not being ambitious, to me feels, feels too much like selling out. So I find myself in this odd catch 22.

My attitude seems to be really warped though lately. I see my friends and even random people who are doing awesome, clever, entertaining things; and, instead of thinking, "Now there's a really cool person!" I think, "Why am I so incapable of being as awesome as that person?" Then I get all angry at myself and start sulking. Then I get all down on myself for not being as brilliant, clever, fun, whatever.

This is a horribly negative and childish way of looking at things.

All I can conclude is that I need to do whatever it takes to once again become comfortable and happy with who I am. Even if that means that I have to be happy knowing that I'll never be the superstar that I seem to think I should be.

I think my ego is really fucked up right now: after all the shit that has gone down in the last couple years, I have lost faith in my core self as good. I used to be able to maintain a much more cheerful and upbeat attitude, even in the face of much lameness. Through my teenage years and beyond, I used to pray every night that I would be able to remain cheerful, regardless of what happened. And you know, I think focusing on cheerfulness as a goal really made a difference. So maybe that's what I need to do now.

Of course, you can't just romp around being all fake-y happy either, and I did a fair bit of that too. Everyone always said that I was "wearing a mask" and that I couldn't possibly be really happy. That always made me so angry, because maybe there was some truth to it, but I really wasn't all that unhappy and it was my only coping mechanism for so many crappy things in my life at that time. So later in life, I started trying less hard to have a positive attitude all the time. To be more real, as it were.

I'm wondering if I've let the pendulum swing too far...

If life sucks, but you don't have a lot of power or control over your options for various reasons, you have to just find ways to be happy despite maybe not being in the ideal situation. Even if all you are doing is maintaining your sense of humor, writing dark moody poetry on the parts of the beer fridge that only you ever see while cleaning, and not always being responsible and clever. Hopefully, this sort of attitude will help things get even better and better.

Will it solve the ambition problem?

Probably not. I think I'm permanently wired that way, and that it would be wrong to try to deny that.

Will it make the problem less of a problem?

I hope so.

At least maybe it will lead to less lame sulking and annoying journal posts.

So that is my goal. I think it is easier said than done, but I'm going to try to be happier dammit! I will be happy if it kills me! (And several others!)

I decided all this on the subway tonight on my way home from a really lame day at work. Shortly after deciding to be happy, I realized I missed my stop and had to go wait in a freezing cold station to get turned back around again. Happiness was eluding me already.

Wish me luck.

Jo came over Saturday and helped me devise a semi-permanent hot-wiring solution for the Fiat, until I sort out what to do about trying to get it re-keyed.I now start my car by touching various wires together, and then turn it off by yanking them apart. If only I could say this was the first time I have sunk to such ghetto car starting tactics. I was really relieved that picking the gas cap was easy as well. Now only can I start the car, but I can also put gas in it! I've ordered some key blanks and I guess we'll just see where we go from there. So yay for that. It's one less thing to stress out about, if nothing else.

What I really wish is that I had a bunch of jalepeno poppers - and a Ruth.

I glided (it seems there should be a word like glid) down the escalator into Whole Foods today. It was all I could do, as I approached the check-out lanes, to resist the urge to walk to the end of one where a pile of groceries was accumulating, and start bagging them. It is amazing the instincts that can still kick in - long after a six month stint as a grocery store cashier 13 years ago. The next thing I did was pause, longingly, in front of dozens of baskets of glistening, freshly roasted, expensive, coffee. Through sheer force of will, I sidestepped to the right, and plodded down the pet food isle, where I picked up a smaller bag than I would have liked, of overpriced cat food.

I wasn't in the mood to go all the way down to the store that I know will have the cat food that I wanted today; but ye gods! That meant that I had to go to Yuppie Central to get it.

As I rounded the end of the pet food isle, I stopped dead in my tracks again, trying to will myself not to veer toward the giant pile of delicious, over-priced cheeses. I actually (I'm not lying) nearly burst into tears.

This is why I don't go to Whole Foods very often.

It was a lovely walk home. The sunshine and weather is pretty freaking nice today, and I like walking down Bloor between Avenue and St. George. It makes me feel as though I live somewhere truly grand.

Speaking of grand, the only down side of walking that way is that I always pass by the piano store. Dear sweet all-that-is-holy, I really want a piano. I've been craving some piano time lately. It has been ages since I've had a chance to play at all. If I were to win the lottery today, I would buy a downtown property that was large enough to live in, and to contain a pub. I would then put a grand piano in it. I would also go back to Whole Foods, and buy all the cheese, just to deprive yuppies of cheese.

It has been a bit since I last wrote, regarding my financial woes and various things that I was investigating.

So far, all that has come of my various efforts is that I trained as a hostess this week, so I could pick up a couple hostess shifts to increase my hours at work. An ideal solution to my problems? Not by a long stretch. Having more hours will be helpful, if nothing else. This week kind of backfired a bit, however, as we were much busier than we normally are. My week was more than 50 hours by the end of it, and we're not even counting the time I had to spend waiting between shifts on my splits. To say that I was completely exhausted and nearly on the verge of tears by last night would be an understatement. My ass is still sore.

I took the written test for the hostess qualification this morning before the Whole Foods invasion. I think I did fine. Oh joy. Hostessing. It has been years since I had such a job. Mostly I just cringe every time I have to answer a phone. At least it's just two shifts a week. Also, I get to dress like a ninja.

Yeah.

Now I'm going to make my bed, clean up the flat a bit, finish my laundry, and maybe break out the accordion. My life, it is so thrilling today I can hardly stand it. I have already portioned off most of my free time next week for various catching-up-with-people type thingies. I suppose I should enjoy my free time while I've got it.

DEAR GOD STOP I WANT A PIANO STOP AND TO SEE SOME MOUNTAINS STOP KTHANKSBYE

You know that annoying Facebook meme that's been going around? The one where people tag you in a note with a list of twenty-five random things about themselves, and you are supposed to feel obligated to make one for yourself and then tag even more people back? Well, Ruth recently, to my extreme amusement, set her Facebook status to, "Rufus isn't going to give you 25 random things, so quit tagging me already :)"

I tried, but I could not resist creating a note with 25 random things about Ruth. I tagged her in it - at once. After I finished, I laughed maniacally for about two solid minutes. There are a lot of things that I've been wanting to write about, but I just wasted a good fifteen minutes of my life creating a meme, specifically to annoy Ruth; thusly, I feel obligated to repost it here:

Rules: Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about Ruth. At the end, choose some random amount of people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. This is all for her own good.

(To do this, go to "notes" under tabs on your profile page, paste these instructions in the body of the note, type your 25 random things, tag 25 people (in the right hand corner of the app) then click publish.)

1. My favourite types of clothing are those which are black and transparent.
2. Nothing gives me greater pleasure than being woken up at 3:30 in the morning by a drunken, gothed-out Leah. Especially when she demands that I get up at once, and make her cheese grits.
3. My family used to go to a church that was really more of a religious cult. Look up Hobart Freeman some time. I used to be able to refer to the Glory Barn, without even cracking a smirk.
4. My favourite musician of all time is Elton John.
5. I quote Disney Cartoons more than you might ever realize. MUFASA MUFASA MUFASA!
6. I have, in my lifetime, laid hands on a bus and prayed for it to start again. Even more disturbing, perhaps, is the fact that it did.
7. I grew up in one of those newspaper-delivering families. I had a paper route for years, which I suckered my dearest friends (also known as suckers) into assisting me with.
8. I didn't get my driver's license until two years after I legally could: Leah drove me everywhere, I wasn't in a rush.
9. I am half Irish, and half German.
10. Somewhat related to number nine above, although I have now been a vegetarian for years, I don't ever count corned beef as meat.
11. I have trespassed on Federal property regularly for many years, and still continue to do so to this very day.
12. There once was a warrant issued for me. I won't specify the details, but it has nothing to do with trespassing.
13. At the age of 14, my I.Q. was astronomical.
14. Leah, for whom I love making cheese grits, and I first truly bonded over a forced, shared, bathing experience.
15. One of my many goals in life is to move to Canada, and make cheese grits for Leah.
16. As a child, I wore my hair in long braids.
17. My bedroom, in high school, was one time so messy that it was a 3 foot deep mire of random stuff. It was so bad, that Leah cleaned it in a fit of rage. Ever since then, Leah has been able to do no wrong in my parents eyes.
18. I was pulled over an interrogated by the police three times in one evening. One explanation for why we were going in reverse, in a jeep, on a State road, at 50 mph., was that "We needed to go back to the Grocery store, because our courage melted." There was a candle on the dash board, which had been named "courage".
19. I have operated as a roadie for various bands, more than you might think. I am fully capable of assembling a drum kit, amongst other things.
20. I used to never drink beer. True story. I blame Leah for this habit.
21. I am better at juggling dates than most people. I have been told that it shows powerful, untapped, multitasking skills.
22. I know a song about buzzards that would really annoy you.
23. I was once engaged.
24. It is impossible to count how many hours, and indeed years of my life, that have been spent sitting around at Steak and Shake.
25. I assisted in destroying the engine on my parents car, on New Years Eve, in a blizzard, with a Swiss exchange student and Leah, on the way back from Chicago. No, we hadn't asked for permission to take the car.
25b. One fight I had with Leah had to do with a time when: I told someone that putting a giant stack of ice-coated twigs into our clawfoot bathtub (which happened to also contain Leah's laundry) was a good idea.

As I was leaving subway car 5745 today to enter Spadina, Spadina Station, I noticed a few things. Firstly, I noticed that I was on Subway 5745, as there was a large red sign with white numbers informing me of that fact. They really should think about replacing those signs with billy bass that sing out the car number with a country twang, but I digress. Next to our sign declaring our subway car to be 5745, was a black bumper sticker, with white print that read, "THERE IS NO HOPE". Next to that there was a no-smoking sign.

I'm not sure why this all seemed significant, but I now have a rather unsettled feeling that I should be able to figure out what it all means, and am somehow missing it.

Is it a message from God? A dire warning to quit smoking from the void? Should I start worrying about people with severe Jansen's metaphyseal chondrodysplasia? Should I be on the lookout for Dwarfs who smoke?

As I walked down the long hallway that divides the North end of Spadina, Spadina Station from the south end of Spadina, Spadina Station, I passed a pile of pennies. The pile of pennies only caused greater distress. I wasn't in the mood to pick up all the pennies. I was especially not in the mood for a penny collecting spree from the questionable floor of Spadina, Spadina Hallway. I had already seen one penny this morning, and had picked it up, so I passed the pile by. However, the event merely tacked an additional sense of twilightzoneishness on to what has already been a pretty weird set of days.

I have been wandering too and fro around town attempting to whittle down further a few things from my massive todo list of doom. I am still stuck with this out of sync feeling today. I wonder if that is just what happens when a place becomes too familiar. It has gotten to a point where Toronto has become so familiar that I am merely sleep-walking through this town, as I do things.

Life people, life is what happens when you're not doing what you normally do, or that which you have to do. Familiarity breeds contempt. Potatoes have to be cooked before they become moldy.

None of this has anything to do with me disliking Toronto. It's just been weird lately.

Random observation number one:

I have lived in this city for four years. Why is that I still frequently find myself roaming the streets of the city feeling like it is just some place I'm visiting for a month? Today was one of those days where I felt very out of sync with Toronto in general. Maybe part of it was because I was lugging around a suitcase everywhere I went. Maybe part of it was the fact that I am drained from a weekend of equal parts stress and awesome. Maybe part of it was the fact that so many people were here visiting, that I feel like maybe I'm just visiting too. I'm not exactly sure what it was, but the feeling happens to me rather often, and it is kind of creepy in that tourist in my own life sort of way. It is not that things are unfamiliar. I know where most of my stuff is (excluding my beloved Fiat keys), I know what end of the train I want to be on to get to Spadina, Spadina Station, and I know what isle toilet paper is in in my closest Shoppers. How can it still all be so foreign?

I'm going to chalk it up to the oh so glamorous bucket of eggnog that was consumed last night.

Random observation number two:

This has not been a good week for my glassware. I have lost three pint glasses, and three coffee mugs over the course of the past several days. Most of this has not even been due to drunken revelry or anything. I'm going to chalk that up to tired clumsiness and the fact that many people have been in and out of my place during the past few days, so not everything in my kitchen is where I expect it to be. I operate in my space much in the same way a blind person does. I expect everything to remain as I last left it, and move quickly without looking. I suspect this is not very good when you live in a small space and appreciate your glassware. Out of pity for my missing Denny's mug (the last of my remaining coffee mugs), Matt presented me with seven coffee mugs today before the HH left town for good. I've already broken two of them.

Great losses of the week:

1. My Fiat keys. How this pains me, I cannot even begin to describe.
2. My drivers license. (I should probably go check the car is still there, eh?)
3. My Denny's mug. This upsets me nearly as much as the Fiat keys.

Great invasions of the week:

The third annual Rechristmas celebration with the horrible horde went down in the past few days. Despite a lot of stressing out over the insane logistics involved in planning everything, (Jo and I no longer live together and are also both seeing other people), it was still a wonderful time spent with some of the best damned friends a person could ever hope for.

We sang songs about lighting Ruth on fire. We ate and ate and ate. We drank coffee like Russian truck drivers. We invented the myth of Hankrill, the giant vampire parakeet. We played euchre (but not, perhaps, as much as we have in Rechristmas past). There was the (nearly mandatory) visitation of Active Surplus. Someone (Mr. H. this time around) got a piercing. And my apartment was renamed to, "Spadina, Spadina Manor."

The giant culmination of the event landed us all partying in Josephstan where the was random wall painting, opening presents under the Christmas ladder, and a giant bucket of eggnog. No really. Nothing says class like a couple gallons of boozy, homemade, eggnog in a bucket. The party was not a massively wild one, but enjoyable nonetheless. The eggnog was devoured.

Today we even managed to acquire a Simon to hang out with, whom we took to breakfast. Somehow shortly after that, Simon, Ruth, Matt, Micaela and I all ended up taking a giant group nap at Spadina, Spadina Manor. I suspect it is a sign you're getting old when a satisfactory afternoon spent with friends involves a group nap.

In other news, Senor H. and my cow have headed off to England. I hope they have fun. O's never been to the U.K.

Finally, I have been "chalking up" a great deal of things lately. Luckily for me, I have a box of chalk.